Words of Luke MarchieYour #1 source for generally useless information

Lately I’ve decided to expand my business expertise outside of the SEO and Children’s Music industries to advantage of a once in a lifetime modeling opportunity.

That’s right it’s “back of head” modeling!

For those who are blessed with lazy eyes, cleft lips, sparse facial hair, giant moles, warts, and glasses, this is the perfect opportunity to finally get the attention the back of your head deserves.

Just take a look at some of my recent “work”:

Please send all inquiries to my new business: BackHeaded Modeling Co.

If there were more dubstep bands that played tunes live I would be their biggest fan

While it may appear there was only 1 child at this show is was POPPIN’ people!  I don’t even want to get into what happened backstage – 2 year olds can party!

Due to the underwhelming response from our fans (they cannot yet use computers) P4L has been commissioned to play a ONE TIME ONLY reunion show.

You’ve seen The Who do it…

You’ve seen Simon and Garfunkel do it…

And now Pancakes for Lunch will have their turn.

If you and your children are looking for a mind-bending freak-fest of a music, laughter, and children – then come on down to Olive’s 2nd Birthday Party – we’ll save a jam for you…

I need a better caption for this – I am not privy on M. Bachmann’s agricultural policy.

This one goes out to the one and only “Pub and Kitchen” less than a stones throw from my apartment.  I used to eat there three times a week.  I will continue to eat there three times a week.

I also gave them one star…

My Yelp Review

Now let me set something straight here before I begin – I eat at this place AT LEAST three times a week.  They have excellent food, excellent beer, and from what chicks tell me the wine gets them drunk.  I’m probably going there this evening.

So why would I award 1 star?

Item 1: Blue Cheese

I’m fairly sure reducing the potion sizes of blue cheese to a thimbleful size container has done little to impact their bottom line, but it sure has impacted what is generally an excellent buffalo wing experience.  These blue cheese portions are pathetic…

I find myself not only ordering extra blue cheese when I initially order, but ordering 2 more “extra blue cheeses” during the rest of my meal.  That’s 4 blue cheeses people.  I also have a feeling they water their blue cheese down…but I am still awaiting lab tests.  Just give the people what they want – a normal sized container of blue cheese.

Item 2: Sorry you can’t eat here you just ate

After consuming a customary order of the appetizer known as buffalo wings I was delighted to find that 7 of my friends were looking for a place to eat.

“Come to Pub and Kitchen!”, I yelled.

Delighted I could share this treasure of a place I went to the hostess to make a reservation.

“We don’t take reservations”, she told me.

Thats fine with me – so I await their arrival and then once the group of 8 is here (including myself) I ask for a table.

“Your friends can sit down, but I just saw you eat so you can’t sit down”, she tells me.

“I’ve only had an appetizer and I’m sure I will consume at least 3 more beers in addition to probably another appetizer”, I lamented.

No dice.  I was offered a spot at the bar while my friends dined.  Yeah…a spot at the bar while my friends eat in the backroom.  Sounds lonely

Needless to say we all went somewhere else.

I will still eat here, but hopefully someone from P&K reads this and knocks some sense into a certain hostess and blue cheese preparer.

Hopefully they don’t trace this back to me…

I usually use my digital recorder to try and take what they call “upskirt” or “publicly inappropriate” recordings of women on public transportation.

I don’t need photo’s to get off – I get by on the soft ruffling of underwear, the sound of two meaty thighs slapping together as their owner waddles to McDonalds, the faint hiss of a woman passing gas…

What can I say I’m an audiophile…

In other news here’s an original song I wrote aptly entitled “Luke’s Song”

The amount of sweat-slicked “shirts vs. skins” band practice that led up to this is negligible, no, nonexistent.

Stars include:

• Me: Guitar
• Greg “CraigBlast” Blass: Keys
• Mike “Mic” Cutler: Drums
• Chris “Hey My Name is Renfro” Renfro: Bass

Without further ado, get ready for “Luke’s Song”

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

No matter how fake, stupid, and unattractive you can make a Craigslist Missed Connection these days there are always some trick-ass fools who respond earnestly in hopes of finding that smoking hipster wall-flower they’ve been waiting for.

Take for instance this post. Do people really this this is real? Did I write this? All will be answered in due time.

Me: Sitting on Wall – You: Walking bike through park – w4m – 28 (Rittenhouse Square)

I was perched up on my usual wall with plumes of American Spirits Menthol smoke wafting up through my sun damaged hair. I was wearing my usual giant sunglasses and trying my best to look aloof and generally uninterested in my surroundings.

Then you walked by.

You were the first guy that day to look into where you thought my eyes were and smile. I lit up seeing that perfect smile, then lit up another American Spirit.

You were wearing shorts and one of those quirky dude hats. I was wearing jean shorts.

Hit me back!

And here is the live link: http://philadelphia.en.craigslist.org/mis/2489435991.html

Within moments I already got public responses such as:

Trying to make smoking look glamorous was so 1980s.

Yeah I am trying to be glamorous man! Where have you been!

If anyone has seen a hipster lately they are embodying the 1980′s as hard as they freakin’ can.

The real payoff here though are the “private” responses. Have I mentioned again this is totally fake?

Hopefully the following people won’t find my website. Names (not pictures) have been withheld to protect the desperate.

My first response from an email simply entitled “Bike”

hey, I THINK ITS ME!! can you describe “me” alittle more…like my bike (color) or what I was wearing…

I am wary to respond as he’ll instantly have my real email address. That could destroy my hipster cred.

But the best response so far seems to be from a future version of a certain piano player I know.

Deviously entitled “I would dare…”, it really shines a light on the rigors of modern dating and missed connecting.

I am not the bike rider in the park. But there’s something in you that attracts me. I know how boring and unstimulating the world can get, but I think I also know where your passion lies. It’s beyond the plumes of American Spirit smoke and your jaded experiences. If you email me back and meet me in person, you’ll be transformed with desire.

I’m tempted myself to email him back. It’s been too long since I’ve been transformed with desire.

What really stands out is this (possibly blind?) guy has already connected with me on an entirely emotional level. It goes BEYOND the plumes of smoke, BEYOND my jaded experiences.

I’m overdue for a serious emotional connection and it’s about time I focused on me…