Words of Luke MarchieYour #1 source for generally useless information

Lately I’ve decided to expand my business expertise outside of the SEO and Children’s Music industries to advantage of a once in a lifetime modeling opportunity.

That’s right it’s “back of head” modeling!

For those who are blessed with lazy eyes, cleft lips, sparse facial hair, giant moles, warts, and glasses, this is the perfect opportunity to finally get the attention the back of your head deserves.

Just take a look at some of my recent “work”:

Please send all inquiries to my new business: BackHeaded Modeling Co.

The photos of me on the internet don’t really do my any justice. Not only do I frighten small dogs and children, but I’m just too awkward to make a normal face in photos.

I freakin’ try man.

I stand in front of my mirror practicing smiles.

I cut photo’s out of womens magazines and cut up all the faces until I make my perfect face which I then try my hardest to imitate….

It just doesn’t work.

But luckily for me my friends are all beautiful, so my face usually blends quite nicely into the crowd.

Though sometimes if you really look at my face,

Then Photoshop it out,

Then paste it on all my friends faces,

You begin to really get an idea of why I only take pictures in large crowds.

Before

“Oh what a scary group!  Don’t want to run into those normal looking people after dark! J/K!  They seem nice…”

After

“Woah wait a sec are those all brothers or something?  Do you think they make love to each other with that face on?”

Before

“OMG St. Practice Day!  That is toats funny LOL!  Those boys at Lambda Chi sure seemed to have a great time!”

After

“Oh dear that poor dog.  I bet they like get sexual with it and stuff.  You never know with those frat guys”

This last one is a little blurry – but if it wasn’t I think it would be the cream of the crap.  Whoops I mean crop.

Before

“Minus that kid under the umbrella it looks like everyone was just havin’ a super blast at that concert!  OMG party right!? LOLZ!”

After

“Oh wow if his face wasn’t so blurry this would have come out better”

If anyone can help teach me how to smile… how to laugh again… maybe even how to replace the clutch in my 2001 Honda Civic Coupe, please let me know.

Another sighting of a Bizarro Luke – this one thanks to my younger sister currently “fighting the good fight” in Vietnam.   If your looking for hard-hitting news about motorbikes, Tet, and general Vietnamese mayhem she keeps a very well written blog here: http://mmarchie.blogspot.com/

But onto the real news:

Can you guess which one is me?!

Here is a collection of original work tastefully crafted by a group of my peers.   Their work gives a excellent window into just how much darned respectful they are of my reputation and image.

I am not responsible for the creation of any of this.  If you have a secret collection of Luke photoshops ready to hit the public please send them to luke@lukemarchie.com and I will post them no matter how degrading they are to my image.

The first photo below is an beautifully crafted image of my likeness complete with a clever placement of the “FourLoko” logo in the lower right.   It says both nothing… and everything… about the world we live in today.  The “Ying and Yang” between the two photo’s that were combined really highlights Harry’s eye for detail behind the camera.

And isn’t this one just a doosey!  Why it’s one of those signs you guys called me crazy for hanging up all over the city.  WELL WHO’S THE VIRGIN NOW BOYS?!  Greg did an excellent job below of capturing all that emotion and exuberance that follows a mans first sexual experience, as well as help circulate the ever changing rumors regarding my sexual prowess.

Finally something I can show my children.  In one of the more tasteful renditions of my likeness Kelly really captures the essence of both denim, and Luke, and places the two on a backdrop that speaks volumes about today’s political climate.

In the first portrayal of my image on another man’s body here I “possess” Billy Ray Cyrus.  The cock bulge really reflects well on both the current state of modern music, as well as the greats that built it’s foundation.  Thanks to FlashPhilly for that one…

A hidden gem by Greg from the archives of 2238 Kimball Street.  While the caption could use a little work, I did not want to ruin the immaturity that this piece has captured so well.

An interesting (if not hastily done) photoshop of myself as Justice Beaver.  Courtesy of Bex at The Young and the Tasteless, the squareness of her facial cropping (yeah that sounds weird doesn’t it?)  might be saying “It’s still hip to be a square”.

We all go through changes.

For some they take place overnight before the big talent show in front of your entire high school.

Luckily your voice changed during the intro of your cover of “Ring of Fire” so all the chicks loved it.

For me it was 2007…

I was 22 years old…

No pictures from 2007 exist to my knowledge, but the horrifying transition between 2006 and 2008 is evident in the photographs.

This is my story.

(Edit: last minute addition below: I’m all business now…)

(Edit 2: last minute Drano plug…trust me)

Some concept album art for our new Children’s Record distributed by ZODIAC PRODUCTIONS!

Some more shots from our photo session below:

This is a personal tribute to my favorite character on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Charlie’s weird pedo-uncle.

And to think this weirded everyone out!